Day 110: First Sober Bar Experience- Done

Been on my first blog hiatus- I missed you, blog.  I have just been doing really well and studying a lot for a major test..somehow the days got away from me, which I guess is a good thing.  I loved blogging every day for my 100 days and I still intend to post but maybe not as frequently.  Feeling great about being at Day 110 today, although the gun violence in this country is so hard to understand.  I am so upset about the events in St. Paul, Baton Rouge, and Dallas.  It's like we are reliving the same situations over and over again.  I hate to be bleak but it feels hopeless here sometimes.

I want to keep this focused on booze/quitting booze however, so I thought I would share an experience I had last night- it involved going to a bar (!) and not drinking (!!!!!).  I met my good friend (the one I told early on about quitting drinking- she is awesome) at a trendyish coffee shop but we determined that they didn't have enough in the way of good eats for us.  We decided to go to this bar/restaurant (after my friend asked if it was okay with me- very kind of her and I told her I thought it would be fine- plus I was curious how I'd take it).  This place used to be somewhat of a hangout for boozy me.  So, we went there and immediately I had a feeling wash over me of, huh, not drinking, this is weird, a tiny bit of a drag.  A feeling of nostalgia for the many boisterous times there with friends.  And then, it struck me- I never actually liked the alcohol there.  In fact, I ALWAYS ended up feeling like crap after I drank there.  Their beer just never sat well with me (never stopped me, of course...sigh).  They brew their own and it's a little fancy and I guess my body just never learned how to process it (why should it learn- that is horrible!).  Not only that, I consciously reminded myself that alcohol is completely unnecessary to hang out with my friend.  I simply don't need it.  It's all about just spending time together, catching up, eating some good food, and hanging.  So my longing/urge faded very quickly.  It hadn't even been particularly strong though I acknowledged it did exist- probably a normal/expected amount of existence.  I was going to order something cool like lime and selzer but I just settled on good old Coca Cola.  Had two actually- got a little buzzed on caffeine.

My whole point with this ramblingness is that I conquered my first bar experience and it was completely fine.  I see time and again that my true trigger is grief and extremely dark feelings about the loss of my dad, but even then it really hasn't been anything that worried me or seriously tempted me besides the one major time early on.  So hooray!  Not planning to be hanging out in bars or anything but I enjoy being able to be flexible about where to hang with friends.  It will be interesting to go to a place that I loved drinking at.  I wonder if I'm ready.  Not rushing out there, that's for sure.  Really, my favorite place to drink was at home and that feels pretty conquered, so I am grateful for that.

Wishing all well who were involved in the recent events this week across the country.  Much love to you.