Day 214: Flying By

Wow, the sober days truly do just start flying by.  It is so crazy that tomorrow is 7 months for me.  If I really consider it, this is such a big deal.  I had no idea how I would feel and thankfully at this point, there are very few times where I feel like drinking.  Whenever those times happen, they just never seem to last.  I am a lot happier with this new normal.  I've had a few drinking dreams and always wake up haunted and so glad they weren't real.  This is such an accomplishment!!!

I ought to find a group to go to at some point here in our new town.  It's a good supportive environment to experience every now and again for me, whether I feel like drinking or not.  Helps in holding things in the light.

Had a discussion with my husband about the holidays approaching and how at first I thought perhaps I'd get a bottle of wine as a present for someone and had realized I had no reason to do that at all, for them and for me.  He said he no longer wants to give alcohol as a present to anyone because we have no idea of that person's relationship with alcohol.  I thought that was such an insightful, sensitive reasoning.  It blew me away.

Hope all are well out there and much love to you.

Day 87: Yin and Yang

I have a craving....not for booze.  To attend a meeting.  I guess I'm getting close to 90 days and I just feel like sitting in a room with some assorted folks on Day 1 or Day 1001 and exist together in this thing called sobriety.  I'm not having a desire to drink, not feeling "weak".  It's funny about feeling weak vs. strong, by the way.  They absolutely go hand-in-hand.  One cannot exist without the other.  I haven't been feeling particularly weak or strong- just...normal.  Like not drinking is not as much of a "thing" anymore.  Some moments I am more mindful and feel empowered, or strong.  Some moments I yearn and feel weak.  The magic of new normal has been life-changing and ordinary all at once.  An extremely positive life choice moving forward and a return to the state of being I had prior to beginning my habits.  Thinking deeply with much love and support to all in the wake of the tragedy in Orlando.

Kindred Spirits

Had a wonderful day with my little guy. He has such a big heart. I love being around him. At one point while he was playing, I made small presents for each of my bereavement group members because tonight was our final meeting. It was a beautiful last gathering. I was thinking that AA is a support group as well. It is such a cool thing to be able to go be with your people/tribe/kindred spirits for a time, when you need it most or just to stay afloat. I haven't been to an AA meeting in a little while now and for some reason lately I've been having an urge to attend one. I don't quite know why. I don't feel like drinking at all...very much the opposite. I have absolutely loved not drinking. I guess maybe the meetings help keep this real, keep the fact that I want to continue living an alcohol-free life a reality. Other things help too, like writing in my blog, talking with my husband. I'm feeling good approaching my 60 days and I guess I just want to stay that way. Maybe I'm being protective of my sobriety. I wonder if that makes sense. It helps being around others in person who are on their own journey of stopping drinking. Anyway, much love to all out there, wherever you may be.

Obsessing! Ugh!

I have a question for any AA folks who might come across this...do you get your milestone chip on the day itself or the day after?  As in, today is Day 30 for me, but technically I have only 29 days sober under my belt since the 30th day isn't over. Would it be more appropriate to obtain your chip on Day 31, thereby technically having "30 days"?  I don't mean to obsess or overthink this.  I inquired about this on the Living Sober website and people were awesome and basically said, just chill and own the days.  I am just curious is all.  Not planning to get the chip today, or necessarily at all, who knows, but if I do (or the 60 Day chip, or One Year for that matter....not trying to get ahead of myself, eek!), I just want it to be an honest/accurate count of sobriety.  Some seem to measure in days, some in months, some in years, some not at all.  I guess it's safer to get it the day after.  Since after all, it is "one day at a time" in AA............agggghhh, why am I obsessing about this??  Better than drinking I suppose :).