Day 227: Demons

Last night capped off a silly/woe-is-me day. Conversations with insurance companies, long lines and folks with 'tudes at the grocery store, just sort of one thing after another all darn tootin' day.  My dog even did some naughty stuff..twice...  She peed on the rug first thing in the morning (5:30am), then later she inexplicably got an uncooked bag off quinoa off the counter and ripped it apart on the floor.  Awesome :(.

At some point in the evening, a weird voice popped in my head......."I wish I could drink.."...  I heard and honestly, it scared me a little.  It didn't sound like me.  I don't know who it sounded like.  A hollow version of me?  I listened to it echoing and shuddered a little bit.  I gave in for a minute and thought, "could I even make that happen?.." and realized immediately that it would be impossible to fulfill, logistically-speaking.  Then I realized it wasn't even true- I didn't want to drink at all.  It was a knee-jerk reaction to a stressful day. And it faded.  It really did.  I didn't think about boozing for the rest of the evening- I realize that now.

I am still battling these booze demons.  It's still early days.  Perhaps even after 20, 30, 40 years of sobriety, some days will still feel like early days.  Wishing all well and much love and strength to you as you battle your own demons, whatever they may be.