Going to a women's AA meeting this evening....nervous but a little excited. Why am I nervous? It is new. Unknown. I don't want to be swarmed. I was a little swarmed the first meeting I went to. I will know to be prepared for that and to ask that my boundaries be respected if needed this time around. I look forward to being in a group of women who are trying to maintain sobriety. It's going to be okay. :)
Also, went to our Quaker meeting this morning. It was wonderful. Felt connected. Thankful for this beautiful day. It feels so good to be clear. My soul feels clean. Imperfect, but clean. Free.
Showing posts with label Spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spirituality. Show all posts
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
The Known and Unknown
Good evening to all in this weird, wonderful world. I thought about going to a meeting tonight but I decided to attend one tomorrow that is specifically for women only. I'm interested in sitting in on that community. Tonight it will be baseball on tv, fun/fizzy/non-booze drinks, snacks, time with my husband and dog, and laughing hearing our son making noises over the monitor as he falls asleep.
I have an odd sort of sadness in me right now. I'm okay, just...not quite all there. I had a great day doing a lot of outside/yard/planting stuff. Hung out with my family. It was fantastic. I don't really know where the sadness is coming from. This morning I just had a random urge to talk about God with my husband while we were making breakfast (before coffee...eek). I think I'm a little unhappy with my spirituality. It feels lost. Kind of lonesome. We attend Quaker meetings pretty regularly, but I missed last week, so maybe that's part of it. The beauty in the world, the confusion, joy, evil, disease, and pain. Life and death. Love. I don't know how God fits in honestly. Is God only the good? Is God everything? Including the nightmares, the war, the terror and abuse? Is God there in my son babbling quietly in his crib? Is God in recovery? In addiction? I would like to believe in mystery and in magic. I am open and comfortable with not knowing, never knowing. The searching is important. I like the Quaker meetings, the quiet openness to God or spirituality or prayer or anything. I think I just feel a little unsettled right now. I am aching a bit and must need to shore up my spiritual "home". I find much comfort in my family and in music, nature, animals. In many ways they are my God. Missing my Dad always.
I have an odd sort of sadness in me right now. I'm okay, just...not quite all there. I had a great day doing a lot of outside/yard/planting stuff. Hung out with my family. It was fantastic. I don't really know where the sadness is coming from. This morning I just had a random urge to talk about God with my husband while we were making breakfast (before coffee...eek). I think I'm a little unhappy with my spirituality. It feels lost. Kind of lonesome. We attend Quaker meetings pretty regularly, but I missed last week, so maybe that's part of it. The beauty in the world, the confusion, joy, evil, disease, and pain. Life and death. Love. I don't know how God fits in honestly. Is God only the good? Is God everything? Including the nightmares, the war, the terror and abuse? Is God there in my son babbling quietly in his crib? Is God in recovery? In addiction? I would like to believe in mystery and in magic. I am open and comfortable with not knowing, never knowing. The searching is important. I like the Quaker meetings, the quiet openness to God or spirituality or prayer or anything. I think I just feel a little unsettled right now. I am aching a bit and must need to shore up my spiritual "home". I find much comfort in my family and in music, nature, animals. In many ways they are my God. Missing my Dad always.
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