Day 92: This Will Always Be My "Thing"

I can't believe I'm in the 90's. This seemed so far out when I first began this journey.  Now all of a sudden, here I am.  Unbelievable.  Not one drop of alcohol, all by choice.  When I first started, I thought well, I am really going to try this.  Sincerely.  I want to get to 100 days, and I'd like to blog every single day, compelling or mundane.  Yet, the little doubting/addicted voice inside my head said, well, if you give in and drink, you can just shut your blog down.  Who would know or care.  No one reads it.  This is for you.  You'd be embarrassed and instead of sharing, you could just run away with your bottle.  That is so far from where I am now.  It's awful to admit that is what I thought, but it's true.  I got hits here and there, probably mistakes or just computer engines humming or something.  Nobody responded, so I thought, ehh, whatever.  Then a few folks *did* comment.  They said, hey, you are doing great, keep it up.  And I thought, oh my, well I don't want to let them down, and more importantly, don't want to let myself down.  I don't want to be a coward.  So I determined at some point that if I relapsed, I would continue to blog.  I would share that experience.  I would want to read that if I were someone in the world interested in these types of issues, which I am, and have read those stories on several blogs.  I find it very brave to be honest and just be real with yourself and share.  So I decided I would not run away.  And then more time had passed, and I've begun to forget about the relapse fear.  I hardly think about it anymore.  I am mindful of supporting my sobriety, and I am very early yet.  I know this.  But I don't obsess about relapsing.  And wouldn't you know here I am on Day 92, no booze in sight.  It's great.  Quite an accomplishment thus far.  It will never be over, I understand this.  I will always need to be mindful that this is my thing.  I need to be aware that there may come a sad time in the future that I do decide to drink.  That would be hard.  But I hope to keep moving forward because I truly love living this way and since there is no "just one" for me, I need to cut it out completely.  Initially, I didn't think deep down this would be forever.  Now I would like for it to be forever.  I've gained more insight into my whole thing with drinking and realize none at all is the wisest, healthiest, and most fun option.  Hooray for not being a slave to booze!  Much love to you always.