Day 94: The Slippery Eel

Wow. Just seeing the number 94 typed out is enough to put a smile on my face.  I had a big craving today, in the middle of the afternoon.  Stressing and upset about dad stuff, a difficult thing my mom is dealing with, other things, and then bam!  The urge slid in my thoughts like a slippery little eel.  It sucked.  Part of me wanted a drink at that time, to dull the pain/escape the tough stuff.  The more rational part of me didn't want it at that moment because it was the middle of the day (hasn't stopped me in the past, pre-baby) and I am a responsible mother looking after an infant, so it didn't appeal to me then.  What was hard was that I wanted it :"in the future".  I whined about it a little in my head.  Really?  No drinking?  Surely I will drink at some point down the line and I'll be fine.  I'll be fine!  I can take this time to heart and be mindful about my habits and see my patterns, and then down the line, I can moderate.  I can drink like a "normal person" (what is normal?...why is drinking normal?).  All of that and more slithered around my head.  Then I got distracted with stuff I needed to do, and what do you know?  It faded and I completely forgot about it.  Then later I remembered and shared it with my husband, and I realized it had returned a bit, but not in too major of a way, and the more I talked about it, the more I saw that it was ridiculous.  I can't do the one drink thing!  When am I going to get that!  I have that mystical one drink down the road, and I know it is my dark key.  The key that will unlock the booze door.  Booze is officially my slippery eel.  I love not drinking.  Really and truly.  I can deal with little urges here and there.  I just need to keep my supports in place, not give up on myself, and enjoy life, because it really is so much better now.  Much love to you always.