Day 50

Hey there! How goes it?  Things are up, down, and all around here, but one thing remains- I love not drinking. I just love it so much.  It's Day 50 for me today and I count this as 50 days of awesome, enlightening, positive, non-drinking growth.  I have missed alcohol here and there the past few days but truly nothing major.  It is usually a holdover from coping with drinking for so long.  In stopping drinking, I have never wanted to feel like I was depriving myself.  I just wanted to get the place where I  simply did not want to drink.  I am getting there.  When I miss drinking I think about it a little deeply and realize that I miss something that doesn't really exist.  I miss the imaginary one drink.  It really just doesn't exist for me.  I can imagine having a glass of wine and it being nice.  Then I can imagine the reality of what happens next.  The first one unlocks a desire for one more.  Then the second one is the one that unlocks the "screw it, more!" attitude.  And then there I am with 3 or 4 drinks in my system when all I had wanted was one.  And also the cycle of that happening almost every day begins.  And perhaps it leading to darker times down the line.  It's a bit chilling.  I must continue to remember that is the natural chain of events for me.  I can't stop at thinking of just one because there is more to the story than that.  I can't just leave the rest of the story unread/ignored.  It's there and it would be wrong and silly to deny it.  It's all good.  Really.  50 days!  Doesn't sound like that many really, but I love every single one of them nonetheless.  I really want to keep this going.  Anyone out there, if you feel like you are really ready to stop/reevaluate, I 100% say go for it!  50 days ago I saw drinking as a necessary, natural, inevitable part of life.  Now I see it as completely the opposite.  I see it as taken way too casually by our society, I see it as a much darker thing than I did before, and I just see it as not at all necessary to have in my existence.  It just doesn't need to be there at all.  Nothing I do or go through "needs" alcohol.  Nothing I experience needs to be experienced with drinking.  Let us celebrate, grieve, and be together as clear, beautiful beings.  I thought about the nature of "I need a drink" and it just makes me so sad to think about that.  It simply doesn't need to be true at all.  Who "needs" a drink?  Is that the only way to cope?  "I am incapable of dealing this without alcohol" is really what I hear in that.  What a drag!  What a fallacy.  Alcohol.  Such a goofy, weird little devil of a thing.  And all it takes to not have it effect things in my life is to simply not drink.  It is still sinking in but I really am coming to get this in a more full way with each day.  When I say drinking, I really should specify altering my mind in general.  I have long since given up the other things but they should be included.  I don't want to alter my life any longer.  I just want to live it as a real person.  So Happy 50 days to me and to everyone else celebrating their 50 days as well!  Let it all continue to roll along in peace.  Much love and support to all.