Weird day, weird night. I was angry today. I hate feeling that way. I just hate it so much. However, no drinking. No desire at all that I can remember. If any urge happened, it was extremely brief and fleeting. Had a good conversation about alcohol with my husband earlier while we cooked dinner. I went to the gym tonight and ran on the treadmill. I hoped it would help alleviate my anger. It was pretty awesome. I have never been a runner but maybe now. Never thought I'd be a non-drinker but here I am. You never know. Bereavement class and someone used the expression "new normal". I found that odd and fitting. Definitely in regards to the loss of a loved one, but also with not drinking, as I had used that exact saying in an earlier post today after thinking on that notion for the past few days. Cardinals also came up this evening. Someone mentioned them as a good sign. I had seen two cardinals this afternoon and had thought of my dad. That was so nice. I think of him all the time. When I close my eyes to sleep, the darkest images often awaken. It is so hard. No drinking though. It doesn't even matter. It is unnecessary. Sorry this post is so random. I'm a little all over the place. Maybe one day I will just be someone who used to drink. It will just be casual, like, oh yeah, I drank a long time ago. I stopped years ago. Time will tell.
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