Day 70 and it feels really good not drinking. As I said, this is a tough weekend and I am moving through it as best I can, but I have a really sincere and proud feeling about not drinking my way through the difficulty. I believe Mrs. D spoke about a time when she moved and felt that since she boozed throughout the process, she never really grieved the loss of her old home effectively until after she was sober. I am starting to get that and feeling as though I am honoring the loss of my dad in a more real way. It is still extremely difficult.
As far as urges or triggers, I've had a variety of different movements along the craving spectrum, but really nothing too intense, and certainly nothing that seriously made me consider drinking. I don't want to do that at all. Any brief thoughts of wanting to drink seem to get crushed by bigger thoughts of knowing it wouldn't just be one and that it would solve nothing and in fact only make things worse. It isn't even really purposeful- I think my brain is just learning to respond to itself and I don't have to try too hard to "fight" the boozy voice. Day 70. It really is starting to feel real now. Much love to you.
So glad it feels real! I am rejoicing in that feeling that seems to be in the forefront now more often than not. It's really nice to be back to my old self. Hugs as you move through the remainder of this weekend!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are feeling like your old self. Thank you for your support this weekend, I really appreciated it a lot.
DeleteI sometimes let any thoughts just float away.
ReplyDeleteOr I blow them away.
I can be much more gentle now, not so angry at the voices as I was in the beginning.
xo
Wendy
The gentle spirit that you feel is something I hope for and catch glimpses of. I appreciate your insight as always. <3
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