Mental Note: I Don't Drink Anymore!

It's morning- another day behind me of not drinking and another day ahead of me not drinking. It is completely fine. At this point I don't even think about it like it's a big old day ahead of me.  I don't really think about it at all.  I just don't drink.  I am thinking about alcohol a lot less- awesome!

Today is Wednesday. It's not even a weekend day and in times past I would have absolutely allowed myself to have a couple of drinks on a Wednesday evening. Today I have no inclination to do that. Even with bereavement class tonight, it is just so awesome for my new normal to be not drinking as opposed to drinking. I cannot say enough about that. It feels so good.

Lately my husband and I have been getting really down about the area we live in.  Slowly but surely it's been chipping away at both of us.  There is a lot of good around the city, but so much hostility and sadness too.  We dream of moving and last night I found myself thinking of a new area and wanting to drink in the new area (for some reason).  It just popped into my brain and I thought, "Hmm, the new area may have a wine culture surrounding it..that would be fun...going to wineries.."  It was weird, it's like I forgot I don't drink anymore.  When I "remembered", I had sort of a woe is me moment, like, "Gee, that's a drag..why can't I have a drink in a new area?  What a bummer not to be able to go to wineries.  They are so fun and beautiful...not being able to have a drink sounds like such a shame.."

Then I remembered my full story: There is no "a drink"!  It's an illusion!  And I began to let that sink in more and realized how cool it would be continuing to NOT drink.  Much cooler than initially enjoying a drink or two, then it spiraling into what it used to be, which I am sure it would.  That would really be so much more invigorating, a better way to maintain and enhance my self-respect, and a better way to keep existing.  Who needs wine to enjoy a beautiful setting?  It is completely meaningless and for me, only leads to darkness instead of light.  To maintain not drinking seems more and more appealing the longer it is a reality for me.  The tide is shifting on that, because before, it felt like drinking "at some point" was more appealing.  I am feeling very glad that these cravings or momentary lapses of memory are pretty infrequent and absolutely not strong at all. I am still adjusting.  Who needs to live in a boozy culture, anyway!  Our culture is already boozy enough without living in a town that prides itself on its wineries or breweries or what have you.  Wishing all well who may be reading this, whatever your struggle may be.