Not Today

Had a bunch of moments today that just felt right. Not a perfect day, but I had some good, mindful times throughout. Some days just slip by. Sometimes that's good. The sober days continue rolling and I lose count. I know I'm moving along towards 50. Will I ever drink again? I truly don't know. Sometimes I am haunted by "you will...of course you will." If only it were as easy as "you won't...of course you won't." I have no idea when drinking, or getting messed up in any way, became such a thing. I guess immediately, right from the start, for me. With alcohol, I am learning the depth of two small words that my wise sober comrade UnTipsy Teacher shared: not today. That is all, just not today. That is all I need. Such pressures I can pile on! Such angst. Who needs that. Just beautiful brief moments of not today.