Ehhh, what a big day. Some days just seem bigger than others. I have these weird tiny fits of rage or anger. I wish I didn't. I am scared by them sometimes. I don't remember ever being like this before. Maybe that was the problem? It started before I stopped drinking, though. I guess it isn't reasonable, rational, or even healthy, to be anger-less. Last night the bereavement class was hard. A lot of lost souls, lost hearts. Lost love. We are hoping to find some bit of peace. I'm glad to be a part of the group. It seems like a positive step. Today I had some drinking cravings. It was hard. Not really super powerful, but definitely there. Also had rationalizing going on about the future. I think about having just one drink, here and there, very rarely, and then I think about it later and I'm just like, would that be miserable or acceptable? It seems like none is so much easier to comprehend than one. As hard as that is to comprehend, of course. Why is it like this? Is this pathetic or normal? I did not drink today and had no real true urge to drink. Just thoughts. They bother me. Really beautiful evening and a wonderful walk with my family in the neighborhood. Why do I never make art anymore? Must make that more of a priority. Peace to all.
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