In a way as hard as the other night was, it made me aware of several things and for that I am grateful. Still, I am just really disappointed myself. It wasn't the wanting to drink that disappointed me- I think that's understandable at this stage as I continue to get used to a life without alcohol (a life I want!). It was the fact that I tried to involve my husband in my undoing. That really, really troubles me. Maybe that was a personal "bottom" for me. Since then, I've had no yearnings or cravings at all to drink..sometimes I just completely forget about it honestly. Hopefully that's a good thing and it means I am beginning to learn how to live without messing up my mind and body. It has been a long time since that began, so I will continue to be patient with myself and roll along. I need to take a moment and evaluate what to do when I get into a dark fog again. Some thoughts/ideas on what I can do to maintain strength: let myself sob uncontrollably, breathe, talk out loud, reach out to my husband, hold my son, go outside, go to the gym, write on my blog, eat a sweet treat, make a fun lemon drink, just sit with the pain, visit Dad's grave, play music, do some sort of meditative art. I hope I can be stronger next time.
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