Hmmmm

Okay, sometimes I truly feel like I am a certifiable looney tune.  I get angry, bitchy, weepy, feeling sorry for myself, calm, thoughtful, introspective, patient, silly, weird, positive........all in a matter of an hour sometimes....!  Jeez, I keep myself on my toes, that's for sure.  I found myself wondering if I will have the odd drink on special occasions, like one drink allowed for certain events (my birthday, my husband's and my anniversary, my Dad's death day, Christmas....would the list keep growing if I let it?...Arbor Day!..the neighbor's cat's birthday!.....they fixed the pothole on our street day!....ughh)....feeling a little weak right now in having those thoughts.  It seems so depressing to me to have such control on myself and my life, as in being so strict.  It is my life and to a certain extent I feel like I should be easy on myself and my time in this world.  After getting control on my shitty drinking problem, of course.  Would it be harder to drink in that way?  Would I get obsessed about the next occasion and when it would be coming up?  Would I add more occasions to the list?  Would I (most depressing of all) allow myself to have more than one on the designated occasion, since after all one always seems to lead to more than one for me?  Hmmmm.  To an outsider, this is probably textbook early sobriety talking (typing).  My addicted mind trying to make excuses or condone drinking. On the plus side, I have absolutely no desire to drink right now.  Maybe that's enough for now.