Signs of Strength

Well, the meeting was not an all-women meeting....bummer.  The AA schedule needs to be updated online.  Another non-love connection, but truly respected all who shared tonight.  I am going to find that women's meeting!  Something in the meetings has me wanting to continue.  Not sure about AA yet...but there is something there.  The sharing is just searingly real.  I really respond to the vulnerability.  Just looking for that particular connection.  On the way home I was in a pretty good mood and looking forward to seeing my husband.  Then I drove past the exit where my dad is buried and I just exploded with tears, sobbing on the beltway.  The pain absolutely took over.  Everything came crashing over me without warning.  Drove the rest of the way and even as upset as I felt, I also realized I had no desire to drink.  Not a shred of desire.  A couple of weeks ago, I would absolutely have stopped by the liquor store to get something to cope, or to get something for a happy Sunday night with my husband (to match whichever feeling- celebrate, time together!...or..cope, the grief is just awful and unbearable).  Anyway, got home, talked at length with my husband about the experience, cried a bit more, just basically let it out.  He was completely supportive and awesome. God I love him so much. We ate dinner and watched Chopped and then snuggled with our dog on the couch.  Now time for sleep.  I am exhausted but feeling a ray of strength as well.  Tomorrow will be my 29th day.  Almost to 30.  How cool is that?